Beautiful People, the “beauty won’t save the world, but it will come pretty damn close” edition

For Dad. Happy Birthday.

The ice outside looks like whale blubber. Nobody is cleaning it up, because that’s something that people in civilized countries do, and it’s not like we can have anyone forgetting where it is they live. It would be vastly unpatriotic, etc. I don’t have any ambitions to prevent myself from falling again, I just hope I’ll avoid breaking any bones this winter. I have written, and rewritten, a play that, much like Paula from “40 Year Old Virgin,” haunts my dreams. I have murdered many shots. I need a break, you guys. And so do you.

Lady Gaga, because you know shit just got real when the lady looks even better without a ton of dramatic make-up on:

Viggo Mortensen, because he is part of our “becoming”:

Elizabeth Wurtzel, because she is hot and cold at the same time:

Lee Pace, because he’s got pathos:

Oksana Akinshina, because she has moved on from playing one of the most disturbing roles of all time, and moved on so well:

Kenan Çoban, because Safiya has good taste:

Zoe Saldana, because she is perfect, and made one of the best films of 2009 even more perfect, and I have good memories of seeing that film in London, and good memories keep you warm:

Cillian Murphy, because he looks like he’ll kill you – and make you like it:

Beyoncé, because you can only avoid stating the obvious for so long:

Alexander Skarsgård, because Eric Northman makes you feel all funny:

Sarah Jaffe, because I love showing off the hot people I work with (be jealous of me, please):

David Tennant, because of flames to dust, lovers to friends (but that doesn’t mean that the good things that come to an end can’t make us happy anymore):

Olga Ostroumova, because she’s the first great beauty who made me cry (in “The Dawns Here Are Quiet,” in case you’re wondering):

Jeremy Renner, because he always had it, even before “The Hurt Locker,” he had it, but I’m glad more people realize this crucial fact now. And here’s the thing, I do not normally like a lot of muscle on men. He just happens to wear it beautifully (it’s all about the forearms, with him), besides being one of my favourite actors. And Anthony Mackie, of course, because he does pissed off like nothing else:

Kathryn Bigelow, because I love smart, beautiful women (and “Hurt Locker” was better than “Avatar,” and I say that as a huge James Cameron stan):



Orlando Bloom
, because this really is a trip down memory lane (and, you know, OF COURSE he filmed in Durham when I had already left Durham, but it’s not like I would have been hoping to run into him around town, totally not, I am way more mature than that, you know it, shut up, stop laughing):

And my parents, because you can turn up “Halo,” look at this picture, and have a moment:

“You’re everything I need and more
It’s written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won’t fade away”

They’re going to say it faded away and was replaced by one of those shitty neon visors American tourists wear whenever they want to embarrass their great nation abroad, but every once in a while I catch them smiling at each other, like I did today, and I know that naw, ya’ll, it did not.

So now I’m all sentimental, and embarrassed for being sentimental. Hope everyone is satisfied.

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11 thoughts on “Beautiful People, the “beauty won’t save the world, but it will come pretty damn close” edition

  1. beautiful mathoms for your Dad. and gorgeous picture of your parents. You do sentimental pretty good for a kick ass girl.

  2. Well, kid, we all know where you get your excellent looks from.

    Thanks for breaking up winter monotony.

  3. Durr – I’ve just worked out where I recognise Oksana Akinshina from. In a just world she would be the Oscar winning Oksana Akinshina, but she still has all that to come. I remember reading an interview with her where she was typical teenage moodiness. Very amusing.

  4. Pingback: All aboard the douchecanoe!* « Natalia Antonova

  5. natalia – something struck me when looking at this. i was going to comment, but then i looked at the last picture, and realized that i would have to amend my comment entirely. now that you have let the world know that you were produced by two extremely beautiful people, the shallowness you are so very much proud of actually makes sense.

  6. I’m actually surprised by cranky’s idiocy this time. I usually only find it mildly annoying and I leave it alone if you’ve already dealt with it. But this time IT sounds like Cruella fucking Devil. What lovely puppy coat are you protecting from IT for IT to be that pathologically bitter toward you?

    Your parents are striking, btw. No need to be embarassed. If beauty can’t save the world, familial love can.

  7. Xena – I don’t care how rude the guy is, repeatedly calling a person “it” is disgusting. You’re an ass. Grow the hell up.

    If this is the kind of friends that Natalia keeps, then she really is shallow.

  8. I’m perfectly fine with calling trolls “it.” The long-standing practice has my seal of approval. If that makes me shallow in the eyes of random people on the Internet – then it’s a cross that I will have to bear.

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