Recently, I wrote something for The Guardian about the latest chapter in the Snowden saga. As usual, there were some solid gold comments – including one from a guy who wants to party in me in furs (while I bring the borscht, of course). Then there was the gentleman who specifically sought me out to deliver this message. Am reprinting it here almost in full – as this will surely go down in history as one of those comments that somehow manage to illustrate everything wrong with the United States today:
While I was reading your Guardian piece on Snowden I couldn’t help that sinking feeling. It was hard to figure out at first. And then I got it…. I realized just how Ukrainian you are. There is a reason why Ukrainians are only good for boxing and brothels and never contributed anything to world culture: lack of talent, lack of originality, lack of basic integrity and pride………..
Were we living in a just society today, you would be tried for treason for abusing your adopted homeland with this Snowden nonsense. Your [sic] as much of a traitor as he is. Make no mistake, those of us who actually care about the United States of America will be watching you. Youre [sic] the poster child for immigration reform, and I don’t mean that stuff about opening our borders up to more worthless scum.
I did a little googling of your person and found you to be a classic traitor in the honest sense. All that whining about the student loan industry (THAT ALLOWED YOU TO GO TO COLLEGE, HOW UNGRATEFUL ARE U….?) and the fact that American men are apparently not good enough for you and so you married a Russian.
Well I hope he hits you regularly since thats the only thing these guys are good for. Though to be honest if my woman ever spouted the kind of lunacy that you peddle as a journalist I would beat the crap out of her as well. Sorry was that politically incorrect? Do I care?
And of course: she’s a feminist! Every good-for-nothing hack of the female variety is a feminist nowadays. Hey feminists were respectable back in the day and some were great Americans, but now we have to sit and listen to YOUR stupid opinions.
All you have going for you sweets are your baby blues and oil money. I guess you’re a step up from the average immigrant in this country, but not by much. I hope you go to hell and find out exactly what they do to traitors there.
I don’t know what’s the most special thing about this letter. Is it the casual switching from “you” to “U”? That bit about oil money? The unexpectedly stylish alliteration of “boxing and brothels”? Whatever the phrase “classic traitor in the honest sense” means?
What do you think?