My trolls are the best trolls: Chapter 2436474956

Recently, I wrote something for The Guardian about the latest chapter in the Snowden saga. As usual, there were some solid gold comments – including one from a guy who wants to party in me in furs (while I bring the borscht, of course). Then there was the gentleman who specifically sought me out to deliver this message. Am reprinting it here almost in full – as this will surely go down in history as one of those comments that somehow manage to illustrate everything wrong with the United States today:

While I was reading your Guardian piece on Snowden I couldn’t help that sinking feeling. It was hard to figure out at first. And then I got it…. I realized just how Ukrainian you are. There is a reason why Ukrainians are only good for boxing and brothels and never contributed anything to world culture: lack of talent, lack of originality, lack of basic integrity and pride………..

Were we living in a just society today, you would be tried for treason for abusing your adopted homeland with this Snowden nonsense. Your [sic] as much of a traitor as he is. Make no mistake, those of us who actually care about the United States of America will be watching you. Youre [sic] the poster child for immigration reform, and I don’t mean that stuff about opening our borders up to more worthless scum.

I did a little googling of your person and found you to be a classic traitor in the honest sense. All that whining about the student loan industry (THAT ALLOWED YOU TO GO TO COLLEGE, HOW UNGRATEFUL ARE U….?) and the fact that American men are apparently not good enough for you and so you married a Russian.

Well I hope he hits you regularly since thats the only thing these guys are good for. Though to be honest if my woman ever spouted the kind of lunacy that you peddle as a journalist I would beat the crap out of her as well. Sorry was that politically incorrect? Do I care?

And of course: she’s a feminist! Every good-for-nothing hack of the female variety is a feminist nowadays. Hey feminists were respectable back in the day and some were great Americans, but now we have to sit and listen to YOUR stupid opinions.

All you have going for you sweets are your baby blues and oil money. I guess you’re a step up from the average immigrant in this country, but not by much. I hope you go to hell and find out exactly what they do to traitors there.

I don’t know what’s the most special thing about this letter. Is it the casual switching from “you” to “U”? That bit about oil money? The unexpectedly stylish alliteration of “boxing and brothels”? Whatever the phrase “classic traitor in the honest sense” means?

picard is full of win

What do you think?

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17 thoughts on “My trolls are the best trolls: Chapter 2436474956

  1. “but now we have to sit and listen to YOUR stupid opinions.” because your holding you’re (probably illegally obtained) gun to his poor head, forcing him with ur Ukrainian wiles (obtained from brothels and boxing, I reckon) to read it all.
    Because that’s how you roll.

  2. I’d pay, too.I cannot figure out why people gripe about having to read opinions. How difficult is it to go somewhere else and read something with which you DO agree?

  3. That comment was disturbing.. The creep put a lot of time, thought and even style into his missive. Also, the comment has no substance whatsoever: it is 100% insult.

  4. The implied threat of violence — “I hope he hits you regularly” and “If my woman … spouted … lunacy that you peddle as a journalist, I would beat the crap out of her” — is what makes this worse than run-of-the-mill trolling. This guy is seriously scary.

  5. Thinking again of the implied threat of violence, this troll might be part of the population that threatens British Tweeps like Caroline Criado-Perez, Stella Creasy, and others with tweeted threats of violence and rape. Note this troll’s hostility to Natalia as a woman journalist.

  6. Natalia
    As you know, we are forced to deal with all sorts here in the good ol’ U.S. of A. The lunatics on the right have twisted and bent reality for a couple of decades now and it only seems to be getting worse.

    Bush and his cronies purposely lied us into a war that had nothing to do with 9/11, the bankers gambled our money away and then WE bailed them out (and not one of them has been prosecuted) and now Snowden has been turned into a monster for reporting the truth, something we used to honor and protect. As I asked a friend the other day: if Snowden knew what the NSA was doing and kept his mouth shut wouldn’t that have made him complicit in the NSA’s illegal acts?

    Anyway, the hateful comments are left by the same guys who always say “Barrack Hussein Obama”, when talking about the president, and then claim to not be bigots.

  7. This is horrifying. I agree with the posters who state this guy is scary. There is definitely an implicit threat of violence here. I’m sorry your writing was responded to with such hate – although, on the ther hand – you must be doing something right to get this guy to attempt to write at all!

  8. Oh god that violent and angry language was pretty horrifying. I don’t know why he called you a feminist though, when you’ve proven pretty well that you’re not one.

  9. I responded over on Feministe, but, Natalia, I think, given what I have seen, you may be a troll-magnet. Your trolls are always so… extreme. I’m sorry you have that happen to you.

  10. BAHAHA.

    What a sadly unoriginal little troll you’ve got there. Just tell him you’re going to pinch his widdle cheeks and make him dance a monkey dance for you.

  11. The beauty of the internet is that we have no way of knowing whether you might have written that comment yourself, just for entertainment, or to draw more comments.

  12. Well, as most of the regulars know, this blog and my writing elsewhere regularly attract the worst weirdos. And with a full-time job and a little kid under my arm, I only ever have time to make up characters in my plays. With drama, you have a degree of freedom. But if I were a writer making these trolls up, I would have died of boredom years ago. No matter how they dress it up, they’re always saying the same thing. And while I’ve learned to respond with laughter, I can’t pretend as though these comments aren’t, in fact, horrifying. Just because I don’t act hurt it doesn’t mean this kind of thing doesn’t appall me.

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