December 2006 – Page 4

My mother

Was walking home one evening, when she saw a girl and a boy standing outside a dorm (we live next to a small college). The boy was yelling and swearing and pushing at the girl, and she was standing there shaking, and my mother, seeing and hearing all this, couldn’t help herself. So as sheContinue reading “My mother”

I fucking hate dial-up

Kiev is grey, but great.

If You Want to Adopt a Pet from a Shelter this Christmas

Here are some easy steps you can take to prevent the shelter staff from ripping your throat out and ruining your holiday: 1. Don’t stand by with a “awww-isn’t-this-cute” look on your face while your two-year old attempts to climb into the raging, bite-quarantined Pit Bull’s cage. 2. Don’t tell the front desk staff thatContinue reading “If You Want to Adopt a Pet from a Shelter this Christmas”

“You have a freak-flag. You just don’t fly it.”

Holidy films are inevitably cheesy. Perhaps Tim Burton’s “The Nightmare Before Christmas” is a kind of exception, but still. What I like about holiday films is that they, also inevitably, show people coming home. I have been obsessed with the idea of home ever since I realized that I was no longer sure where thatContinue reading ““You have a freak-flag. You just don’t fly it.””

This is a True Story

“Russian squirrel pack ‘kills dog.’” You thought that what you seriously had to worry about was bad vodka, the FSB, and the FSB drunk on bad vodka. You thought that polonium was a truly ingenious secret weapon. You thought that the worst aspect of the Russian environment was the bitter fucking cold. Oh how wrongContinue reading “This is a True Story”