I think Bukowski’s overrated, but…

Take a look at this

There is thing where I live, and I believe amongst all lower class people around the planet.

If the woman gets hit once and leaves, she deserves pity and help. I’ve seen and helped several woman myself when their man hit them for the first time. I’ve seen poor people take what little money they have to help the woman.

But if she stays the philosophy is fuck her. She must want it.

There is a look in a woman’s face when she doesn’t want to be hit. They look pissed, scared, and like they want to cry. But the women who stay and take it, they use it as attention, and don’t look like they are want to cry. You have to see it, words are not precise enough to describe it.”

I guess the part wherein abusive environments condition people into believing that they deserve bad treatment has gone completely unnoticed by the people this guy is talking about.

And folks are complimenting each other’s metaphors in the comments. I think they’re all guys too. Oh, man.

This post also made me wonder. When I was being molested, I thought I deserved it. In fact, it took me years to understand that I was not the guilty party, and even know I still have twinges of horrible embarrassment, as if I had caused everything. Guilt enables abusers, as well as the people who stand by and, even though they might notice something, will keep their mouths shut.

I don’t think it’s a class thing at all. I think it has a lot to do with the inferior position that women tend to occupy, and the cyclical nature of abuse.

His follow-up is also interesting,

“This is about people who use the threat of force to control. And anyway you look at it, that leads to nothing but suffering.”

I think the desire for power has a lot to do with it, but then again, you also have to look at what feeds said desire, insecurity. Particularly the way some men need to prove to everyone that they’re real tough, even though they’re quaking on the inside. So what do they do? They beat the shit out of someone who is physically weaker, usually a woman. And the woman stays, because deep inside, she feels like scum and thinks she has earned this treatment. And so it goes.