To the Mothers

Kim recently wrote about the side of motherhood that no one really talks about, and what a soldier you have to be to endure it.

There isn’t a Mother’s Day card out there that says: “Thanks, mom! You love me even though they had to sew up your vajayjay up after I came out of it! You love me even though your boobs drooped after you breastfed me! You love me even though I gave you stretchmarks and hemorrhoids and post-partum depression!”

We gloss over what really happens to women during pregnancy and childbirth – not only because the reality can be pretty damn scary, but also because so many people just don’t want admit how badass mothers really are. It clashes horribly with their idea of baking cookies. For others, it just clashes horribly with their idea of how women giving birth is terribly anti-feminist and dainty and sparkly and whatever. Both groups suck.

5 thoughts on “To the Mothers

  1. Thanks for this Natalia. I’ve just been going through my Bloglines and, as happens most days, been struck by the general underlying anti-mother sentiment in a lot of feminist places. I mean, it’s hard to document or go into specifics because it’s so insidious (but I will try – there will be a post about this at my place at some point).

    Of course, those of us who have borne children are stupid for getting ourselves into that state and deserve everything we get, seems to be the general attitude – and if you’re married to the *spit* MAN who knocked you up? Well, then you must be stupid know nothing of the world, or something.

    I’m sick of it, frankly, and will unavoidably have to start kicking some arses soon.

  2. You know as tough as pregnancy is, and I have done it twice, it’s what comes after that is really ignored. There are days I swear my children exist to give me grey hair. I am working on four hours sleep because my child had a tantrum until 4 am. I stuck to by guns but damn I am tired.
    Motherhood is unsung because all of it is hard work. Yes we love our children and watching them grow is a miraculous event but that doesn’t mean I don’t miss going to the bathroom by myself or have 5 minutes of peace.

  3. I think you hit on an important point, Renee, because I think there are lots of weird and unrealistic expectations about motherhood. And if you complain, even if you just need to vent, you are reminded that “well, you CHOSE this, so shut up and smile.” I’ve seen it happening in ostensibly “feminist” spaces, and that has really bothered me.

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