I received a precious e-mail today. The e-mail is from one “Poet Sam” – clearly an address specifically registered for the sake of cowardly bile-dumping. Gory details below.
As a published author,
I was amused to stumble upon your website.
Please. I bet you a hundred bucks and a bottle of my favourite cognac that, due to the fact that you have my e-mail address, you knew me waaay before you “stumbled” through here. You’re just too much of a coward to sign your name below your drivel.
Real writers don’t have blogs.
Neil Gaiman wants to have a chat.
You, at this point in time, do not have a chance to become a real writer. It isn’t my intention to encourage you. Now you have also started to publish fake fairy tales?!… What individual would publish these (an individual other than you), let alone spend time reading them?
Since you ask (I do read between the lines, pumpkin) – I’m not planning on submitting them anywhere in particular at this point in time, hence their inclusion on this blog. I do submit my “realist” prose and essays.
You seem to have admirers, though I wonder how many of these people participate in the charade because you happen to be somewhat pleasing to the eye?
They only read me for my body! *sob*… Seriously though, does anyone read a blog because they think the author’s cute (I don’t really consider myself cute, btw)? Am I missing something? I mean, I doubt Tila Tequila gained a huge MySpace following solely on her rhetorical skills – but then again, neither does she write stories about naked old women.
I would not, however, be contacting you if I did not think you were talented. Perhaps if you applied yourself to your craft, you could produce results that would not shame your compatriots: Gogol, Bulgakov, et cetera.
They’re happy in the afterlife. Leave them alone. The living don’t haunt the dead – it’s the other way around, nitwit (a great idea for a novel, though – and I’ve got dibs. HA!).
Instead you just prostitute yourself and your talent in abhorrent ways.
Slut [sluht] – noun. Definition: woman who sleeps with someone other than me.
If I were to make an educated guess, I would say that you are a sad and lonely person.
As opposed to the happy and well-adjusted people who send anonymous hate-mail to former friends.