FEMINIST RAAAGE

In the immortal words of Maz Jobrani: “The loincloth is coming off.”

Throughout my exciting career as blogger, columnist, editor, and commentator on all things feminist, I’ve tried to refrain from using the phrase “the feminist movement needs to throw [insert name here] out on her sorry ass.”

Today, I will make an exception.

*drumroll please*

The feminist movement needs to throw “Luckynkl” (or Lucky Uncle, as some of her non-fans refer to her) out on her sorry ass. And make her wear a dunce cap. Possibly a dunce cap smeared with the feces of the demon Beezlebub. I am not entirely sure yet.

“Oh, but Natalia,” you’re saying to yourself right now, “what could possibly elicit such a drastic response from someone who is as decidedly non-drastic such as yourself? You blog under your own name, isn’t that right? Aren’t you making yourself look bad by invoking the feces of the demon Beezlebub here?”

Indeed, I am making myself look bad. But this time, it’s actually worth it. Just check out this post.

For those of you who want to go straight to the highlights, here are some of the choice statements from Ms. Lucky Uncle:

[in response to a statement that certain feminists police women’s looks]

Personally, I could care less what you wear. Hey, run through the streets naked if that’s what pulls your trigger! I certainly would if I could get away with it! However, we don’t live in that kind of world. You know it and I know it so let’s cut the crap. In lieu of this, it’s a bit absurd to intentionally wave a red flag at a bull and then start whining that you got the attention you were looking for and the bull attacked you.

If the above statement does not remind you of the cleric who said that women who don’t dress conservatively are “uncovered meat,” you’re a waste of carbon. Please feed yourself to an endangered animal species (Siberian tigers come to mind) immediately.

Seriously, here, FOR THE SECOND TIME NOW, is a “feminist” claiming that it’s perfectly cool to blame women if they get raped, as long as their attire wasn’t pre-approved by the Committee For the Propagation of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice.

[in response to the author’s career as a strip*per and po*rn performer]

Why would you imagine that being a penis accessory benefits women as a class?

You see, real feminists®, highly deplore the use of sexist language toward women… which is why they turn around and use it themselves. GUESS WHAT. THAT’S NOT FEMINIST.

[in response to the lack of actual support that real feminists® provide to those who wish to remain in s*e*x work on their own terms]

Well, we also don’t support drug dealers, bank robbery, embezzlement, arson, murder and a host of other things even tho women do them. Oh! How rude of feminists not to support all the choices of women!

So now s*e*x work is murder. What’s next? Platform heels are manslaughter? Painted fingernails are criminal negligence? Laughing in public is indecent exposure? I’ve got the Taliban on line one, they just want to let you know how great it is that you’re promoting their agenda as they mull their next PR-move whilst squatting in a ditch on the border with Pakistan. Hey, the path to Revolution is full of pot-holes and Soviet-era landmines, but real feminists® never despair as long as their fundamentalist brothers are right behind them!

I’d carry on (there’s plenty more stupid to digest here), but I’m so enraged that it’s a miracle I am able to punch the keys on my keyboard, as opposed to smashing them through all the way to China. I need to pet some kittens and watch some giggling children chase soap bubbles in glittering sunlight.

Oh, but before I go – if you consider Lucky Uncle a friend and an ally – I pity you.

18 thoughts on “FEMINIST RAAAGE

  1. Don’t ask me what its all about, but it did make me laugh! Thanks!

    (I did NOT say “Beat me with a rubber hose cuz I love it” either!)

  2. Men raping women = bull acting on instinct and utterly incapable of reason? Raped woman = idiot who should have known better? How very modern. Surely we’re beyond this?

  3. Men raping women = bull acting on instinct and utterly incapable of reason?

    This is actually hilarious, because it essentially gets men off the hook. Who’s going to blame a rampaging beast? We don’t blame lions for going after gazelles, for example.

    I don’t understand how anyone who claims this can call herself a feminist without her head exploding from the cognitive dissonance.

  4. No doubt! Can you imagine if civil rights leaders told their audiences “Now, don’t be too loud or ethnic when you go into a white neighborhood, or they’ll beat your ass and you’ll have it coming”? Hell no. Even a self-hating sellout like Ward Connerly wouldn’t say that. But if “feminists” say that kind of shit they don’t get run out of the fold? With friends like that…

  5. Your rage energizes me!

    I think I’ll go to the gym, and flaunt my body scandalously, by working out in sweatpants and a sleeveless shirt IN PUBLIC.

    So if you hear that I’ve been raped, well, don’t be surprised. I’m asking for it.

  6. Good analogy, P.

    S, have fun getting raped! Just don’t tell Lucky Uncle she didn’t warn you! I bet there are lots of MENZ at that gym of yours! It will serve you right for hanging out around them!

  7. And now for something completely different… (Please don’t stone me for commenting on a traditional female craft instead of the feminist post 😉 )
    As a patchworker, I am fascinated by the avatars accompanying the comments here. Very nice designs! Care to elaborate, or did I miss a past explanation?

  8. KITTEHS!

    Esty, WordPress now gives one the option of having a certain style of avatar for those who don’t have one. I chose these because they are purty (and, funnily, enough, I was actually thinking of YOU when I saw the new options, since you’re so into design).

  9. Who’s lucky uncle?

    Seriously, I’ve been way the hell out of the bloggy loop for months now, and I’m never completely with it on the best of days.

  10. Lucky Uncle (Luckynkl for the layman – the nick means “lucky nickel,” but I enjoy calling her “Uncle,” because it’s fun to assign a male nickname to someone who professes to despise males) is a perversion of online feminism, or else a cleverly disguised troll presently laughing at us all.

  11. I thought Lucky was a man when first encountering her wacky politics on the Ms. board. If I hadn’t seen photos, wouldn’t believe otherwise…then again, they were on Heart’s website, and might have been photoshopped! 😛

  12. A woman’s definition of gender equality: “I reject the roles that tradition imposes upon me, but reserve and retain the benefits and privileges it had afforded to women in the past to compensate for gender inequality.”

    I’m sick of you extremist feminists. You don’t want equality; you just want to win all the god-damned time. You can’t. There are other people in this world too. Have a damned clue.

  13. Oh, are we playing with trolls today? *reaches for crowbar* Teehee.

    Yeah, when I take a large weapon and rearrange an assailant’s face, I have no problem convincing a judge that Doodly Dood shouldn’t have waved a red flag at this bull, either.

    Damn straight I always win fights with rapists, Mr. Men Need To Get A Clue, Too. I guess you could say I’m overcompensating. But much less so than you are, turd-for-brains.

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