As it may be obvious by now, I’m a tad bit annoyed by much of online radical feminism.
And one of the things that bothers me about it, and bothers a whole lot of other people too, is the whole tone of the radfemosphere – the breathless drama of it, complete with agrrieved-sounding blog names like “The Margins” (they’re on the margins, dammit! No one cares about them!) or “Rage Against the Manchine” (which actually sounds pretty clever, until you understand that the author is Always. Dead. Serious.) or “Gorgon Poisons.”
Considering that these people want to change the world, the rhetorical hand-wringing is just… hilarious.
So, me and some other people decided to help the Radical Feminist Online Project by coming up with a list of pithy names for true radical blogs. You know, none of that frivolous, sparkly stuff. So people know you mean business.
The list got kind of long, as most of us, though dying of vicious laughter, were unable to stop ourselves. And here are the greatest hits. Nearly a hundred of them:
A Meaningless Waste of Breath
Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter Here, Wipe Your Feet Too
And Such Small Portions (an anti-porn blog)
As Flies Are To Wanton Boys, Are We To The Patriarchy
As Private Parts Are We to the Gods, They Play With Us for their Sport
Asphyxiated By Recto-Cranial Inversion
Bad Taste in My Mouth
Boils and Blinding Torment
Burned Alive by Balrog
But What To Me Is This Quintessence Of Dust?
Buttsecks is Wrong
Clasping An Asp To My Bosom
Collecting My Discharges
Cooked Alive in Vegetable Oil
Curse Them And Crush Them, Preciousss
Death Before Lipstick
Death by a Thousand Paper-cuts
Defenestrated By Enraged Bacteria
Digested by that Creepy Guy from the X-Files Episode with the Lonely Hearts Thing
Dip Me In Non-Oppressive Vegan Jelly And Throw Me To The Fire Ants
Disemboweled by Dinosaurs
Don’t Worry About Me, I’ll Just Sit Here In The Dark, Alone
Eaten Alive (By Rahm Emanuel)
Fetch Me My Smelling Salts
Fuck You Too
Glared At By Disapproving Rabbits
Gnawing My Own Arm Off In A Frenzy
Golden Apples of the Sun, Silver Apples of the Mooncup
Guess I’ll Go Eat Some Worms
Haunted by Evil Clowns
Hell Is Other People (Especially You)
Here I Am, Brain The Size Of A Planet…
I Am A Woman More Sinn’d Against Than Sinning
I Can See Despair From My House
I Whacked My Thumb When Using The Master’s Tools So Now I Don’t Use Them Anymore
Impaled On Phallocentrism
It’s Not Easy Being White
It’s the Internets that Got Small!
Life? Don’t Talk to Me About Life…
Make Sure Your Sackcloth Isn’t Too Slutty
Man Delights Not Me, Nor Woman Neither
Mauled by a Mammoth
Menaced By Garden Gnomes
My Ass! I Can’t Find My Ass!!
My Jelly Beans Are All Vomit Flavored
My White Lady’s Burden Is Too Heavy For Me To Put In The Overhead Compartment
Oh God Not the Lizards
OPPRESSED – A Blog
Pecked to Death by Ducks
Pelted with Rotten Grapefruit and Left to Die Overnight of a Ruptured Spleen
Plague of Locusts
Pluck’d Mine Own Eyeballs From Mine Head, O Woe
Pregnant By Satan
Pregnant With Evil Then Death
Pursued By A Bear
Rending of Garments
Robbed Of My Precious Bodily Fluids
Sex Is Really Not Much Fun
Sexualized by Menacing Wallaby
Staked Out in the Arugula Patch
Stampeded to Death by Monkeys
Stapling Myself To Death
Stung To Death By Pro-Porn (W)Hornets
Sucking Down Sackcloth and Ashes
Suffer and Die
Swimming with Stones in my Pockets
Tearing My Own Head Off
The Fainting Couch
The Hangnail Catastrophe
The Lime Green Shag Carpet Muffles My Screams
They Kill Us For Their Sport
Took The Hemlock, Didn’t Help
Tormented By Bedbugs
Trampled By Ferrets
Trapped At An Endless Party Full Of Excruciatingly Dull People
Unhappy That I Am
Wailing and Beating our Breasts
We Are All Filthy Grubs
Weeping at the Heavens
Why Are You Looking at Me Like That?
Worst. Life. Ever.
You Are All BASTARD PEOPLE
Many people participated, including such luminaries as my boyfriend, Trinity, Belle, Donna, Sarah, Philomela (herself a radical feminist – the badass kind), Lisa Harney, Helen G, Morrigan Reborn, Queen Emily, Arrogant Worm, etc.
I don’t list everyone else here, because I have misplaced the links to several people’s sites. Holler at me in the comments, and I will remedy the situation.
This list is by no means complete.
Write in your recommendations, and a second glorious edition will be forthcoming.
For death and glory, my friends! To war!