I woke up at 3 a.m., like a good girl, and turned my TV on. Since the timezone I’m in has a 7-hour difference with the East Coast of the United States, this was what was required of me in order to be able to watch the show live.
I don’t think I’ve watched this show live, all the way through, since I was a freshman in college and Adrien Brody was spontaneously kissing Halle Berry (and my pants were spontaneously combusting). I haven’t had the patience for the back-slapping, despite the good films being highlighted. I dreaded to see Jack Nicholson in front row again – grinning from behind a pair of dark sunglasses.
Yesterday, of course Hugh Jackman hosted and I also found myself thinking things like: “I am so bored, I am having discussions about Schiller with the cats.” “What am I DOING with my life?” “I want to be seventeen again, unashamedly listening to Enya.”
Oscar night is the night during which Hollywood unabashedly dangles the glittery “dreams come true” carrot in front of the plain little faces of girls like me (although unlike a good percentage of my fellow plain little girls, I want that Best Adapted Screenplay thingamabob) .
And you know what? I wanted that. I wanted the dangle. I wasn’t lost enough to latch on to the idea that Hug Jackman was really going to strip, so not that kind of dangle, I suppose, but any kind will do in a time of need. My celebrities take care of me when I am upset. It’s not quite tea and a hot water bottle (or a bottle of Jack – honestly, what’s the difference?) but it’s something. Continue reading “Natalia’s Awesome Post-81st Academy Awards Spiel”
In other news – I kind of like clubbing in Amman, but why do *scenes* always happen when I come out? To my night in shining armour, who valiantly defended me against a bunch of douchebags by yelling “would you treat your sister like that?” and doing a lot of shoving – I salute you.
I’m not a big fan of public spectacles that involve myself, but the truth of the matter is, I’m not a goddamn zoo animal, and no one should feel entitled to poke me with sticks. Sometimes, people need to be reminded that just because someone has “foreigner” stamped on their forehead, doesn’t mean that she’s fair game. No woman is fair game for harassment, as a matter of fact. And if you’re working as a valet outside one of these clubs? Here’s a tip – don’t pretend like it’s not happening when it happens
Sometimes, Manly Man Eruptions are the only antidote to blatant disrespect. Manly Man Language is the only language that the perpetrators will listen to anyway.
Blargh. As with the article up above – sometimes, all of this gendered “know your place, little lady” stuff gets more than tiring – it gets out of control. And that’s when you kinda wish that you were packing a chainsaw.
Seriously – MEN, here’s a clue – harassment is not cool, it’s not funny, it doesn’t make you seem attractive, it doesn’t make you seem intelligent, or even powerful. It makes you look like a dumbass and a loser with a LOT to prove. If you see your friends doing it, don’t laugh along, and don’t pretend like it’s OK because you’re worried about “killing the vibe” or whatever. And always remember -what goes around, comes around.
Oh, and Facebook weirdness has ensued recently.Copyright issues are so weird on the internet. Just think of every stupid private message you have ever sent anyone – and consider that it is pretty much immortal now.
I’ve been reminded that for all of the blathering about sexxxay, sexxxay men that I engage in around here, I haven’t been providing my readers with a whole lot of practical ogling options. Well, Stephen Moyer is featured below, and now it’s time for a return to my fangirl roots, with a few notes on Mr. Wahlberg and Mr. McGregor.
every dog has its day... picture from TheStranger.com
Mark Wahlberg, formerly known as Marky Mark, of course, is a surprising success story. Few people believed that this guy could ever shed his former image. He was hot, sure, but nobody took him very seriously (possibly because he was so hot), and his career was mostly a sort of punchline to many, his talent vastly overlooked.
Well, haters, I invite you all to do as the doggie does – eat Mark’s shorts.
I remember walking out of “Three Kings” and going – “wow, you know, that man can really act.” My companions said something to the extent of “Marky Mark! *haw haw* Marky Mark!” I had to politely disagree (“Boogie Nights” had already come out by then, but it took me a few years to see it, I was still a kid). Or was it impolitely? I can’t remember. Anyway, I think that Mark Wahlberg is the perfect example of someone who gets trivialized because he’s just another “hot piece of ass” but, in reality, is great at what he does. The best of both worlds.
Mark doing is thing in The Departed. Picture from thecinematheque.com
I can’t believe that there are still people out there who act shocked that Mark Wahlberg has already been nominated for an Oscar. It’s like they get up every morning, brush their teeth, feed the cat, flip on the news as they pour their cereal into the bowl and then go – “Wait a minute, MARK WAHLBERG was NOMINATED for an OSCAR?” It must be pretty tough, to have to face that, over and over again.
Now, Ewan McGregor, on the other hand, people take pretty seriously, especially in the States. Even the dreadful Star Wars 1 – 3 couldn’t really do anything to this man. I wonder if the fact that he has an accent has something to do with that. Or perhaps GQ (or was it Esquire?) got it right when they said that Ewan McGregor was more “ugly-pretty” – on one hand, he’s attractive, on the other hand, you’re still trying to figure out what’s so special about the man. I have a theory that people like McGregor simply don’t threaten the more male-dominated facets of the media as much. Although that theory tends to fall apart when you look at just how much time McGregor has spent naked on the screen. Considering that we are still trying to unpackage (*haw haw haw*) most of the discomfort surrounding full-on male nudity – seeing as female bodies are OK for consumption, but there is still something “shocking” about seeing male bodies this way (I could go on a long rant about sexist double standards here, but I will save it for another day) – people should be *terrified* of Ewan McGregor. They are not. Ewan McGregor appears to be made of hotness, brilliance, and teflon.
i couldn't resist the creative censoring. from Film Experience Blog: filmexperience.blogspot.com
It must be noted that Ewan McGregor’s nude scenes did a lot for my development from a girl into a woman. Much more than any Judy Blume book ever could.
No matter how much I giggled over them, truth was, I was getting an education.
I was weirded out by the idea that it’s OK for women to run around nekkid on the screen, but not for men. Male nudity was what I really craved. I hated how there was a lot of nervousness about the whole thing, or how it was almost obligatory to refer to the male body as “funny-looking” or whatever. Ewan McGregor knew he had to provide for my needs, and the needs of millions of other women out there, and provide he did. I’m glad that he became angry when Sony Classics decided that his naked body, as featured in “Young Adam,” was not fit for viewing on American screens. It’s quite fit actually, love. 😉 And we wants MOAR!
... and I dig the hair. picture from ibabuzz.com
I think the other reason why Ewan McGregor remains such a big star – why girls like me where able to grow up on him, and still have him in our celebrity drool matrix today, has to do with other issues of non-conformity. McGregor, for example, wears eyeliner just as well as his naked body. “Eyeliner,” you’re thinking, “what’s the big deal about eyeliner?”
Seeing that as a teenage girl, I became excited. As much as I like to adorn and decorate myself, I also rather enjoy it when men adorn and decorate themselves as well. Much like Cher from “Clueless,” I don’t think it’s particularly great that for so many years, men just weren’t asked to consider make-up and other fun trappings. Men still aren’t required to try as hard as women, and even though I think that we should all essentially try a little less since the beauty industry is out of control, I think the idea of a man adorning himself this way is pretty great. I’m a woman who’s into make-up, and I wish more men were into it. Because it’s hot and it’s fun to play around with that sort of thing. Being able to share something that you consider hot and fun with a man is nothing short of awesome. And McGregor does it so much better than Zac Efron (learn from the masters, Zac).
Is brought to you by Stephen Moyer and the lush, goofy, awesome wickedness of “True Blood.”
For more gratuitous hotness, check out the Top 10 Male Nude Scenes of 2008 (how could I have missed this before? Bad, very bad of me. A true disappointment to the followers of the “Harem”).
I’m just glad that it’s cool to ogle Daniel Radcliffe, these days. It wasn’t always so, children. Back in days of yore, when I had to walk to school ten miles through the snow and kill my own cheeseburgers, Mr. Radcliffe was not legal for ogling. Oh how the times have changed.
Natalia A. 