Natalia A.

“You won’t find these tapes in stores! Exclusive r(ap)e videos.”

Sweet Lurline! What on God’s navel is going on?

Spam like this makes me nostalgic for “penile enhancement” e-mails.

Yet another Internet love-fest…

I don’t go looking for reasons to dislike the human race, honest. They seem to plop into my lap out of the ether itself. From a comment thread regarding the latest American Idol dust-up:

Do you have a daughter? Is this whore the type of person that you want her to look up to and idolize?

The show is called American Idol, not American Slut.

Is it somehow okay to you that little girls idolize s [sic] person that also has photos on the Internet with a penis in her mouth? Is this somehow acceptable behavior now? Is this how we define our society?

She should be shunned from society for her indecency.

She’s no idol. She’s trash who will probably end up being in even more porn.

Without going into too many details – the so-called BJ photos of the hapless American Idol contestant appear to be doctored – not that the modern moral crusader ought to care about such petty details.

I’m going to design a new t-shirt. It will read: Who Would Jesus Shun?

All profits will go to my mental health fund.

No comment

Be silent.

Be still.

*Natalia’s head explodes. Brain matter splatters onto the coffeetable and Zara the dog.*

This column – and the ensuing “debate” in the comments section – makes it all the more apparent that people at Duke and around Duke do not speak the same language. The communication breakdown is almost complete – all we need now is for John Waters to show up (why? Why not?).

Frankly, the implications that the atmosphere surrounding the rape claims in both cases (Lax and Sigma house) has on race relations in America ARE SIMPLY MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE WELL-BEING OF ONE WOMAN (OR EVEN TWO). Dialogue over social issues, no matter how controversial the topic, is simply a higher priority right now.

*Natalia’s spleen explodes.*

*Natalia is the headless, spleen-less rider. She can’t even enjoy her damn coffeebreak anymore.*

*Natalia will not provide an actual commentary on Stephen Miller’s column. Natalia is fed up with being attacked over these issues.*

The dementia progresses

Frighteningly enough, I’ve recently discovered another thing that I agree with Camille Paglia on:

I despise the sneering that our liberal humanists do about capitalism even while they enjoy all of its pleasures and conveniences. I just despise it.

She then, of course, went and argued that Rush Limbaugh is a swell guy. She’s like a really hot dude you meet at a party, only to find out that he’s dating Ann Coulter and recently had his cat painted for 6 grand, or something.

Interestingly, Paglia has also claimed that (capitalist) advertising can equal art, which is something I agree with as well. I don’t necessarily think that an advertisement has to be gorgeous to qualify as art – it can be comedic as well, as long as the humour is precise and finely tuned. There is a reason why people flock to watch the Superbowl commercials… and it’s not because the “unwashed masses” are a bunch of morons (well, I personally think that we’re all morons, and it’s not a class thing at all, I promise).

Anyway.

If I were to be Paglia for Halloween, here is what I would write:

“I’m Ukrainian! The Yarilean spirit prevents my mouth from ungluing my mouth from this here bottle of rye vodka. I don’t care if Katha Pollitt thinks that my bottle of rye vodka is a phallic symbol of patriarchal oppression – she’s a stupid slut anyway! I despise cubicles, floppy hair, and [insert a culturally relevant and significant digression here]. Did I mention I’m Ukrainian?!”

Before the death-ray fixes on my left breast (because that’s where the heart is, duh… *cough*) – let me just point out that imitation is the highest form of flattery.

Kind of like SNL.