Uh, so I moved countries again, ya’ll

This is my 4th international move in 3 years. My stuff is still firmly scattered across three continents.  I am still out of breath. I’m kind of hoping that I will be able to catch it. I’m kind of hoping that I am done bouncing around for at least some time. It’s not too much to ask, I don’t think. Just slightly more demanding than the old “dear God, please don’t let a brick fall on my head” request.

From my desk, I can gaze upon one of the ugliest modern monuments that exist in the world today.

From my bedroom, I can look at one of the most beautiful odes to Stalinist architecture, and watch the Moscow River run on and on.

Beauty is the path

I had a distressing conversation the other day. It went something like this:

“Man. I am bummed. I was involved in an exciting project, and now it’s over. And there are, like, hurt feelings on both sides. Bummer. Man.”

“Well, considering the fact that you use your looks to get involved in most exciting projects…”

“Er, what?”

“Oh, you heard me.”

“WHAT?”

“You heard me say ‘you heard me.’ I know it, because you flinched.”

“OMG! WTF? STFU! GTFO! DIAF!”

Etc.

I’m not Angelina Jolie and never will be, but, sure enough, I perform beauty while I’m still young. I checked out the spring collection at Naf Naf the other day, for example. I made it out of there with a pink strapless minidress adorned with large, purple, blue and white flowers that are vaguely reminiscent of a blown-up Japanese print. It’s layered, and make me look like a very complicated dessert and makes me feel like I live in a painting. I love it.

As much as I love it, I know that even this little dress can come with some big consequences attached. Why, I find out new and exciting things about me and people like me every day:

Continue reading “Beauty is the path”

“And she always knows her place”

Once upon a time, I was grocery shopping at one a.m., because I rock like that. And because, well, there were actually a couple of 24-hour grocery shops near to where I live (this is all part of a great cycle of enabling – “why buy orange juice and bread after I’m done with work, when I can just as easily do it at a point when I should be in REM sleep?”).

The man I went to the store with let me pay, then took the heavy grocery bag from me when I tried carrying it.

“Don’t be silly,” He grumbled as he took it from my hands. “Doesn’t your back still hurt?” (The super-exciting story of how I hurt my back boils down to this: do not sleep on the floor. Do NOT sleep on the floor especially if you have an old horse-riding injury that bothers you.)

“Yeah,” I said. “But I’m used to doing the heavy lifting on my own, these days.”

“Well, you can cut it out for now,” he said in a way that immediately suggested that this particular conversation was over. I could have said, “and for how long, exactly, is ‘for now’?” I could have said, “and when ‘for now’ is over, I’ll go back to doing my thing.” I could have said, “alright, well, let’s just hang on for a bit here while I pin a shiny gold medal to your strapping chest.” Continue reading ““And she always knows her place””

Tuesday music: hand of God got me by the collar

I’m at a moment in my life right now, where it feels like anything at all is possible. I’m scared – and excited. I can’t decide whether I’m more excited than scared, or scared than excited. It’s like I’m having an internal monologue based on Owen Wilson’s lines in that little-known art-house flick, “Armageddon.”

Chan Chan – Buena Vista Social Club
The Big Sleep – Bat For Lashes
Aramaic Barbarous Dawn – Ghost
Sanctus – Mozart
Good Morning Good Morning – the Beatles
A Kind of Magic – Queen
Goodnight Ladies – Lou Reed
Inner City Pressure – Flight of the Conchords
Ekzemplyar – Kryhitka
Ease – Hanne Hukkelberg

It’s OK if you’ve got a weak spot.
You don’t always have to be on top.

Russian adoption debacle: I don’t believe that Torry Ann Hansen acted out of desperation

Much like Tracy Clark-Flory, I was struck by the tragedy of the case of Artyom Savelyev, a 7-year-old adoptee who was put alone on a plane back to Russia. He had been adopted by Tennessee resident Torry Ann Hansen, who, in the note she left with the boy, claimed that officials at a Russian orphanage tricked her into adopting a severe case – a child with too many psychological problems for her to deal with. Hansen’s mother spoke about how nobody could feel safe in the house with the boy, that he had threatened to burn the house down and even drew a picture of it.

I like to think that I appreciate, at least in theory, the challenge that adoptive parents like Hansen face. However, when, at the end of her piece, Tracy said:

it’s worth taking a moment to also ask what kind of desperation leads an adoptive mother to do such a thing

I had to do a double-take.

Here’s the thing – the very act of shipping a kid back to where he came from, like a gadget that broke before the warranty was up, is not desperate by definition. Relinquishing your parental rights is one thing, but the way that Hansen chose to go about it was not merely cruel – it was cynically convenient, calculated both to make an impact on the Russian authorities and, most importantly, the boy.

Hansen acted out her supposed desperation in a dehumanizing and humiliating fashion. This adopted child had hurt her, and so she hurt him back. Officials in Russia allegedly tricked her, and she decided to play her own joke on them. These are not the actions of a heartbroken parent. They’re the actions of someone who is, at best, a spoiled brat, shocked to discover that the world does not revolve around her and that there are, like, issues with raising adoptive children from volatile backgrounds sometimes!

What exactly is this damaged child supposed to do with this latest damage? That’s what I am wondering about. Assuming he was neglected and/or abused by his alcoholic birth mother, assuming he was neglected and/or abused at the orphanage, and even if we further assume that his time in Hansen’s home free of neglect and abuse (though considering Hansen’s stunt, there is room to doubt that), how is this kid supposed to grow up into even a shadow of a functioning adult in light of this debacle?

He suffered abandonment in front of the entire freaking world. Don’t tell me that Hansen didn’t know that this case would blow up in the media – of course she did. She wanted it to. She wanted to get back at those Russian officials back, at the further expense of this child’s sanity. Oh, and naturally, decent Americans whose international adoptions actually go well (or as best as they can make them go, considering different people’s circumstances) will get smeared in the ensuing mess too. Not that Hansen would care about any of that.

At the end of the day, whatever sympathy I may have felt for Hansen simply evaporates when I put her actions in context. Her act was symbolic, it was designed to hit with full force, and it succeeded. Congratulations, Ms. Hansen. You done me proud. I was just in a cab in Moscow, discussing your very case, reminding the driver that not all Americans are selfish jerks like you. The Russian authorities have every right to be wrathful. I’m wrathful too.