“You better keep your head, little girl, or you won’t know where I am”

Posted byNatalia AntonovaPosted inStories

A dear old professor of mine stopped by to chat about this story. He had read it. He was one of the readers for the Duke contest.

He stood there, staring at me in his kindly, near-sighted manner, and a thought flashed in my head:

“He knows I was molested, and he doesn’t hate me. He doesn’t think I’m a bad person. He thinks I’m alright.”

Here’s the answer to the question as to why I submitted it, I guess. I wanted the people who taught me, some of the smartest people in this country, to know about what happened. I wanted them to know that it can happen to anyone, their student, their friend, their kid (so many of my friends, whose names I cannot name, have had similar things happen to them). And I also wanted to feel Ok about it, as opposed to constantly, bitterly, flushed-in-the-face-and-ready-to-bawl ashamed.

My first impulse, nevertheless, was to start crying and apologizing. But it passed, like a cloud passes over the sun, and continues on its merry way.

7 thoughts on ““You better keep your head, little girl, or you won’t know where I am””

  1. Natalia – I have always been impressed by your honesty and upfront personality. It is a good thing that you are capable of facing your past and that part of your life with such conviction.

    For many people, abuse is something to bury and hide, until it eats away at them from the inside out. It isn’t something which will ever go away – its a part of your past, but the more light you keep on it, the less likely it will be that it can get the best of you. The danger is rarely in what you recognize, but its in what you avoid dealing with.

    Peace.
    s

  2. you are an inspiration! Just keep on speaking and writing till the “light breaks and the shadows flee away”.
    peace

  3. Natalia – I cant speak for your professors, but the stories of your past have caused me to realize that this is something that could happen to my own daughter. Not the most comfortable realization in the world, but I’d rather find out this way then risk learning another way.

  5. I’m new(ish) to your blog and didn’t know that about you. I think it’s extremely courageous of you to speak out, and extremely necessary. The stories need to be told. No one will think badly of you – you stand before them as a survivor.

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