Hey MTV Ukraine! Domestic violence is NOT a joke

My latest column is all about MTV Ukraine and the normalization of domestic violence. Incriminating pictures are included (in case anyone is wondering if I’m making this stuff up, which isn’t something I’d automatically blame you for).

Please post widely, if you can.

7 thoughts on “Hey MTV Ukraine! Domestic violence is NOT a joke

  1. Will my mother-in-law (born in Ukraine in 1954, lived in Russia 1970-2003, in US since 2003) ever think that one shouldn’t joke about women being beaten by men? She’s sweet, kind, and intelligent, and of course thinks it should never happen, but doesn’t see why one shouldn’t joke about it.

    Thank you for the link to your article.

  2. I was raised in a household where my father use to not “hit” but literally toss us around kind of beatings, where we’d be out cold, or in the hospital for days. I remember lots of times getting the crap kicked out of me so that my mother and brother could get out of the house and get somewhere safe.

    Then finally, when my mother finally managed to leave him, she took it upon herself to visit that same form of uncontrollable emotional management.

    Of course I thought well… it’s her reacting to that to which she was subjected in the only way she can.

    So… years later, not having hit anyone, I tend to get angry and find that I let myself get hit. Not because I can’t fight back, but that I am actually afraid to get angry.

    So here I am, 43, and still… I have been hit, used and so forth and not because I’m a victim, because well, i’m not a victim… but i wonder what it is about my psych that just lets me take a few shots in the head.

    I do know this… I remember once being younger, in my early teens, surprising myself once when I had a gun pointed into my face, because I would not violate my own moral code, “You may be able to take my life, but you’ll never change my mind, so you’ve won nothing!”

    The look of shock on the face of the individual holding that gun, was sufficient enough for the situation to dissolve.

    I also remember another time, when a woman I was involved with – Russian – who was upset about something (and still to this day I have no idea what), and throwing things, yelling and screaming, and I walked up to her and hugged her. It seemed like the right thing to do. She dissolved into a sobbing mess.

    I have stated these items because it is something that I think is important to illustrate.

    It is possible, to have been subjected to an insane amount of violence, and not be violent.
    It is possible to be clear minded and conscious in the midst of that abuse and remain strong and focused.

    Maybe it is because I’m a man, but I doubt that.

    I have heard many times that “if one is abused, they abuse” and I’m here to say directly, that this is a myth.

    I’m living proof that it is a myth. I know that I am not so formidable, and not drawn to react violently.
    However what others may do physically, I stand firm in my convictions to the point of death. whatever that means, it means. Whatever that is, it is.

    I just know that God has given me a gift of strengthened mind, and spirit. Beyond that, I don’t know anything else.

    So for the violence, and the curiosity of it, for the masses. I have only one answer.

    Examine thyself. And do not be afraid of what disgusts you, face it fully, and kill it, for the only demons a man can have is within.

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