So if you have been around me lately, you know that I’ve been quite the ray of darkness these days. There hasn’t been a tragedy, nobody is dead or ill, and – inshallah – nobody will be dead or ill any time soon. It’s just that I have found myself in a private little hell here in Jordan, and have concentrated on stewing in it for months now. I have become so good at stewing that I have forgotten how to do anything else.
It’s gotten so bad that I rejoice whenever I get sick – since I can stay locked up in the house completely guilt-free. But there is no black hole without a silver lining. And there are people I need to thank for being the silver lining.
First of all, I’d like to thank Sarah for sending me a care-package full of comics. It was like Christmas in this household when they arrived. There are lots of greats by great names – but I would in particular like to highlight the graphic novel Cairo by G. Willow Wilson. My boyfriend and I had to fight over who got to read that one first – and Christmas turned into an episode of Total Nonstop Action Wrestling.
Sarah, this meant the world to me. I feel incredibly cut off here without my books, having to order virtually everything through Aramex Shop & Ship – a luxury I can’t afford a whole lot these days. This was a tremendous gift.
I’d like to thank Matt for our chats and for inspiring me to keep busy with the work – and by inspiring, I mean kicking my complacent ass. Which is really the same thing, when you think about it. (P.S. It was Matt’s birthday yesterday! Happy belated birthday!)
I’d like to thank the person who donated money to me recently. This money enabled me to buy a plane ticket for my vacation. I’ve been like a gasping carp on a riverbank, and now I have the opportunity to breathe for a few days, and it’s all due to the kindness of a stranger.
I’m not going to tell you who this person is, since I imagine they might want to keep their privacy, so let’s just call him J. J, you can come forward in the comments, if you wish. But you don’t have to. I’ll light a candle for you next time my mother drags me, kicking and screaming, into church.
I also want to thank Kinzi for our chats, and Jackie too, and Paula, and Octo, and Little Light, and Daisy, and a few other people who should know who they are. I’d like to thank Jeff & Mary Clay for taking care of my books for me and promise that they will be rid of them soon.
I am looking forward to Edinburgh, to the new “Star Trek” and to seeing boyfriend outside the tangle of Amman (he’s planning to fly in later). I’m at this point where I am even terrified to travel by myself, but I think I need to do some things that terrify me at the moment. I think it’s the only way – through the belly of the wolf – to get back on your game. I really do.
You know, I hate admitting vulnerability on this blog – so please don’t feel sorry for me, ya’ll. Deal?