Possessed Business: Orange Jordan

The inspiration for this post can be traced back to Jad. Thanks, Jad!

Dear Orange Jordan, I have had it with you. You’re like some bad boyfriend who takes my money but refuses to deliver on the important things in life, such as rubbing my feet, or, in your case, LETTING ME USE MY GODDAMN INTERNET.

Let me tell you something, Orange Jordan, the cheap-ass internet connection I utilize whenever I’m in Kiev, Ukraine? The one that costs LESS THAN HALF of what I pay in Amman? Amazingly enough, it only breaks down, oh, maybe once every couple of months. At most. You, meanwhile, flash that little red light on my router nearly every day. Sometimes, you flash that little red light for hours. It is monstrous, that little red light – it’s an eye of a dragon, it’s a drop of unrighteous blood, it’s like a ZOMBIE staring at me through the keyhole.

Do you know how heartbreaking it is to see that little world icon on my internet status widget disappear? Do you know what it feels like to wait for it to come back? It’s like trying to chase after a freaking unicorn – do you even dare hope? Most of the time, I don’t.

Your JOKE of a support service, Orange Jordan, reminds me of interacting with half-drunk relatives at Christmas. If anything you say does, for a moment, make sense, it merely plunges me into despair. I don’t want to hear about your numerous issues, Orange Jordan, and I certainly don’t want these issues to become my issues.

I just want my GODDAMN CONNECTION BACK, so that I can edit other people’s articles and stalk famous people on Twitter in peace.