It sucks because of the fucking idiots.
Let me tell you a story: when I was 17, I really wanted to go to college. And I got accepted – all the way to Duke University, Eruditio et Religio et Huge-ass Fees. At the time I was accepted, my family were genuinely in a place where they could help out with said fees. By the time I was starting my sophomore year, my family was nowhere near being able to help out with the fees. ‘Cause that’s what happens sometimes. Circumstances change, and it’s not as if there are safety nets in place to help people when they’re already in free-fall – especially if those people happen to be immigrants.
So I got stuck with some huge student loans. And although I am committed to paying them off, I am also in a place right now where I could be picking between “make loan payments” and “make hospital payments for me and my baby.” I didn’t plan on this to happen either, I thought the future would be fairly solid for at least a year or so – and BOY was I wrong. I’m in a situation right now where I can barely afford prenatal vitamins day in and day out, let alone food. And it’s not because I don’t work, I work my ass off – while heavily pregnant – but unexpected expenses keep coming up (like needing laser eye surgery to prevent retinal detachment, woo! And dealing with an insurance company that wants me to wait for months to get treatment in a state clinic when I will lose my fucking retina if I wait for months, double woo!), and freelance gigs keep falling through for both my husband and myself, and chronic pain can take me out for an entire day when I could be being productive.
I have a donate button on this blog – for the fiction that I have published here in the past. I haven’t been able to publish any new fiction – because sitting at a computer for hours literally hurts. I try to do my best, but I am running out of options, and it sucks.
So then I read posts like the one I linked above, that pretends to care about “poor people” and people who no longer have their health, and I’m just like – please. Just stop it. Please.
It sucks that I even have to flay myself open, as Jill put in her original post on the issues in the feminist blogosphere, to get my point across – but whatever. I don’t even care about that anymore. I am tired. Lord, I am tired.