Category Archives: I make funny

If You Want to Adopt a Pet from a Shelter this Christmas

Here are some easy steps you can take to prevent the shelter staff from ripping your throat out and ruining your holiday: 1. Don’t stand by with a “awww-isn’t-this-cute” look on your face while your two-year old attempts to climb into the raging, bite-quarantined Pit Bull’s cage. 2. Don’t tell the front desk staff thatContinue reading “If You Want to Adopt a Pet from a Shelter this Christmas”

This is a True Story

“Russian squirrel pack ‘kills dog.’” You thought that what you seriously had to worry about was bad vodka, the FSB, and the FSB drunk on bad vodka. You thought that polonium was a truly ingenious secret weapon. You thought that the worst aspect of the Russian environment was the bitter fucking cold. Oh how wrongContinue reading “This is a True Story”