“The Delphi Night”: A young man in Mumbai who enjoys sexually harassing women

He even offers tips! Did you know, for example, that if you’re going out to harass women with your friends it’s always best to carry some hockey sticks in your car? After all, you never know if some man who’s got his head screwed on right is going to attempt to help out a woman being surrounded and grabbed by thugs. That way, you can both enjoy tormenting the woman and indulging in a casual bit of street violence!

I’d like to be a mother some day, and I always think about just how I would react if I knew that the son I raised and presumably loved has grown into a misogynist little goon who enjoys the thrill of ganging up on a defenseless woman with other misogynist little goons. So I wonder – what kind of mother does Gaurav have? Is she the type who’ll roll her eyes and mutter “boys will be boys”? Or is she the type to smack him upside the head and tell him never to darken her doorstep again – until he’s learned how to behave himself as an actual member of society, that is…?

God, I hope she’s the latter. I know that for most decent women – finding something like this out about your son means instant heartbreak. And taking out at least some of that heartbreak on the ungrateful little brat’s hide is the least that can be done.

That’s right, Gaurav. You are an ungrateful, snorting pig. A woman brought you into this world – and this is how you have repaid women everywhere.

Don’t give me any excuses about how it’s a bit of harmless fun. This phenomenon is bad enough – but plenty of men don’t stop at it either. Today you encourage unwanted grabbing. Tomorrow, you’re going to realize how powerful it makes you feel, and go farther. Your friends will egg you on. And it will go farther. And farther. You are a rapist-in-training. You need to grow the hell up before it’s too late.

Exploring this meatsack’s blog – you come upon this little tidbit – he’s never had sex with anyone. I’m not going to hold anyone’s virginal status against them. I was a virgin until I was 18, which is already quite late in some circles, and I know what it’s like to be made fun of for one’s inexperience, and I can tell you that it’s rather unfair and unpleasant. However, this revelation on his part did make me think. Supposing one day, some woman is actually dumb enough, or naive enough, to enter into a relationship with this shriveled up little toadstool.

Now imagine that she calls him one day, crying, because here she was – walking home to the store, from a party, a class, a meeting or whatever – and a group of drooling little bastards surrounded her and grabbed her body, HER body, which also happens to be the body he adores, the body she shares with him. What would this pathetic excuse for a human being feel? Would he draw the connection between his own cowardly exploits and the pain and humiliation visited upon the woman that he, in some dim little capacity of his, actually cares for…? Or is he too intellectually limited to ever understand that HE, in fact, was part of the problem all along?

You know, I’m tired. I am actually contemplating not coming back to Amman, just digging my heels in and staying put, because of how tired I am. I am tired of words like “slut” and “whore.” I’m tired of the grabbing hands that reach out from cars. I’m tired of wrapping myself up in layers only for a man to start making suggestive comments about my eyes, moving closer and closer, close enough so that I can smell his rank breath and unwashed body, as I contemplate breaking into a run. I’m tired of the whole idea that my body doesn’t belong to me. That legs that I’m proud of are shameful parts of myself, to be hidden lest some man decides to get ideas. I’m tired of the fact that my breasts are an excuse to try to look down my shirt even when I’m not showing an inch of flesh below my throat. I’m tired of the salivating and the comments about my goddamn ankles. I’m tired of the threats and indignation when I rebuff said comments. I’m tired of no longer being comfortable in my body, the body that I like owning and inhabiting.

I’m contemplating a long separation from the man I am in love with, because I can no longer handle being treated like a piece of scum. I can no longer handle seeing the naked enjoyment in their eyes, their joy at reminding me of my place.

Having to convince every other man you come across that you are not, in fact, a life-size doll created for the sole purpose of molestation gets to be exhausting. “Excuse me. I’m a human being. Oh, you didn’t realize? How odd.” Having this little drama play out on most days you go outside does something to you – something ugly. It’s like having your soul scooped out, until there’s nothing left.

And you know, in many ways, Kiev isn’t that much different. I’ve had it happen to me here, and as much as I’ve tried to laugh it off, I still have flash-backs. But the thing about Kiev, I guess, is that it doesn’t seem to happen every goddamn day. And bystanders do, in fact, get involved with some regularity. And… well… not sticking out as a foreigner in Kiev certainly helps out.

But the thing is – it’s a global problem, as little Gaurav has so helpfully reminded me.

Hey Gaurav? An uncivilized part of me hopes that the next time you and your scummy friends decide to grab a woman, very bad things happen to you. I hope the woman is a black belt in karate, and that her Bruce Lee-like friends also just happen to wander by. Though perhaps it’s naive of me to think that if you will learn anything if you get stuck scraping your face off the sidewalk the next time you try to torment a woman. If the only thing you understand is the language of force, then you may be too far gone already.

See Blank Noise for resource information.

20 thoughts on ““The Delphi Night”: A young man in Mumbai who enjoys sexually harassing women

  1. Wow.

    One time I was reading a blog written by a male college student in Riyad. His interests seemed to be playing video games and calling women sluts. I was thinking maybe it’s just this one guy. But something told me there was a little more to it.

  2. I’m so sorry you’re going through all this. Life is hard enough as it is, without having entitled goons getting on your case.

    (((hugs)))
    Hx

  3. I’m sorry. Sorry that you are having these grim experiences, sorry that idiots like Guarav get their rocks off harassing women, sorry that a huge proportion of men think it is their right to ogle, grope, harass, assault and rape women. Makes me sick. Thank you for your honesty, though. Without it being said, it can’t begin to change.

  4. Yalla, Natalia, you are so much stronger than this!

    For sure, the harassment does wear one down to the core; if I must ever again experience a leering visage spluttering ‘dobar dan’ it will be too soon!

    I’m hoping Maureen is on the mark in the idea Gaurav is a spoof; it is too gut-churning to accept that this is actually how such guys work. (Even if personal experience makes it so plausible…)

  5. “Kidding on the square.” Even if he doesn’t actually do this, I think the resentful hostility, it’s real enough.

    Hopefully one of these days he runs into Hothead Paisan.

  6. Perhaps that explains why nobody of the opposite sex has ever kissed or hugged him.

  7. Natalia, was there a change in your views – or attitude – after actually living in a Muslim country? I seem to feel it, but not sure if you ever documented it in so many words. I sort-of recall you being a lot more “western-non-racist-liberal” two or three years ago.

  8. I think I’m still very much a cookie cutter liberal, in this sense.

    However, I am way less of an idealist, you know? Like, I can’t gloss over the fact that in most Muslim-majority communities, women like me are regularly reduced to “sluts n’ whores” (and other women don’t fare much better). This doesn’t mean that I don’t have meaningful relationships or experiences when I’m over there, it just means that I don’t have any illusions about the way I’m perceived when I’m doing something as banal as buying a box of tampons at the local store, you know?

    I’m way more tolerant than Islam than I used to be. Having experienced it up close and personal, I sense a strong spiritual tradition that I appreciate, being a spiritual person myself. What I don’t appreciate is the reality of it on the ground – the way people pretend to practice it.

    I just hate the way you are punished for stupid crap – oh, you’re female? You have tits and legs and a bum…? Well, that’s dirty, that’s wrong, cover that stuff up, “men might get aroused,” etc. Oh yeah? How about this – if men can’t control themselves, how about THEY stay at home then, huh? And poke their own eyes out for good measure too.

    Dubai is much healthier in this regard, because the majority of people who try to pull this stuff in public immediately get smacked down. I miss Dubai.

  9. Oh, WOW, Natalia….this douchehead deserves what we used to call a good old country ass whuppin’…followed by a session with a really pissed off female domme to cure him of his….deluded vision.

    I’m not sure what is is about fundamentalist society — and it’s not just an Islam thing, I know devout Christian men who act like they have to right to use women for their grab-ass fantasies all the time — that generates assholes like Gaurav…but you shouldn’t have to suffer just because these losers don’t get enough porn in their lives to lust after women’s ankles, and want to take their myopia out on innocent women.

    I really, really wish that good old Gaurav would attempt to pull that nonsense with someone like Ren Ev. It’d be the last time he’d be able to pinch anything. Or sit down.

    Real women are real women, not your personal sex dolls. Respect them, please.

    Anthony

  10. I hope you can find what’s right for you. I’d like to think it could get better for you in Amman, but only you know what’s right for you.

    I like what you say about Islam too – I have little experience with it, Muslims here are pretty much exclusively African, we have a Mosque down the road and I had Muslim Somalian friends as a kid but the religion was invisible to me, it wasn’t shoved down my throat like Christianity.

    But anyway, I have no experience of Muslim countries – ultimately it’s more to do with being a fundamentalist culture than anything really. OK, what I’m trying to get at is:

    Having experienced it up close and personal, I sense a strong spiritual tradition that I appreciate, being a spiritual person myself. What I don’t appreciate is the reality of it on the ground – the way people pretend to practice it.

    Seems about right to me. I’m really dislike organised religion, and wish people didn’t need to believe in anything… but I also get a really good feeling off people who live and breathe and love their beliefs so I cannot see the day to day bullshit of people’s innate arseholishness having much to do with what they believe.

    It’s just so closely integrated it’s hard to address them separately.

    I hope that remotely made sense, I really can’t be bothered editing for clarity! 😛

  11. P.S. “Satire” or not, people like this really stretch my ability to not-hate humanity. Sometimes it just gets you down. 😦

  12. Now..if it does turn out that this was a lame attempt at satire, then I take everything back…..at least about the date with the domme. He should still get at least a bit of an ass kicking, though, on general assholery purposes. You don’t play around with innocent women, anyway.

    Anthony

  13. What would this pathetic excuse for a human being feel? Would he draw the connection between his own cowardly exploits and the pain and humiliation visited upon the woman that he, in some dim little capacity of his, actually cares for…? Or is he too intellectually limited to ever understand that HE, in fact, was part of the problem all along?

    The answer is no. She is his possession, and therefore, he would be angry at the other men for soiling his property, not because he thinks she should have any agency of her own.

    Thanks for giving the Blank Noise link at the end of the post. I just emailed my friend Jasmeen this post. Perhaps the BN group in Mumbai can seek this guy out and teach him a thing or two. LOL!

  14. If this douche grew with my grandfather that kind of crap would have won him a visit to the woodshed.

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