A parting shot in the BDSM wars: “You deserve to get fired and have your kids taken away”

For all our differences, Nine Deuce, I expected better from you. Allowing your commenters to rip into BDSMers, whilst using bigoted language no less, as you sit back and insist you’re encouraging debate on the issue? Didn’t expect anything different. Couldn’t bother with it.

Nine Deuce as one of my favourite LOLcats
Nine Deuce as one of my favourite LOLcats

Your latest comment and attempts at justifying it, on the other hand – deserves some verbiage. And LOLcats.

“Stop comparing your situation to the plight of homosexuals. And stop comparing my arguments to those of asshole homophobes.”

I’m neither gay nor kinky, but I think it’s fairly obvious that there are some parallels here. Many homophobes do exactly what you and your commenters do, ND, be it a) Assuming that TEH GAYZ are “sick” people who can one day “see the light.” b) Acting threatened and/or angry because this group doesn’t fit into their particular ideology. c) Believing that the group is full of dangerous perverts.

Oh, speaking of which…

“Why are people getting fired for being into BDSM? Ever heard of sexual harassment? Talking about sex at work isn’t cool, whether you’re straight, gay, into BDSM, or celibate. It’s just not appropriate.”

ND, you don’t realize that it is the outing (as opposed to zealous over-sharing) of kinky people that directly contributes to most of these firings – or else you are just being deliberately obtuse. I’m willing to bet it’s the latter. But you have nothing in common with homophobes, is that right? The same homophobes that assume, for example, that there should be no gay people in the armed forces because they’re icky bastards who harass the straight population…?

“And to be honest, if I were a parent, I’d be concerned if my child’s other parent were into BDSM because I wouldn’t want my child exposed to it. It’s absolutely ridiculous to think you ought to have the right to normalize that kind of behavior in front of children who haven’t got the critical thinking abilities to understand what’s going on.”

Every family must have a Nine Deuce on call to ensure appropriate behaviour at all times. Get yours today!
Every family must have a Nine Deuce on call to ensure appropriate behaviour at all times. Get yours today!

Naw, this isn’t at all similar to the familiar GAY PEOPLE CORRUPT OUR NATION’S YOUTH.

ND, for someone who prides herself on her superior intellect – can you not see that any parental extracurricular can be taken to an extreme?

Example: some parents abuse their animals, beat them, chain them outside and do not allow them to be socialized, and then act surprised when said animals attack a child.

On the other hand, you have my dad. He got us a Doberman when I was in the first grade. She was trained as a proper guard dog. She was tough to handle at times, but she was a much-needed addition to our family. She rescued my mother twice. She allowed me to have a lot of independence when I dealt with trauma – because I could go anywhere with her, and I slept soundly in my room knowing she was outside. This animal was loved – and it loved in return.

Men like my father have little in common with individuals who deliberately turn their animals into psychotic killing machines – but by your own celebrated logic, ND, my father had no right to have custody of me either.

BDSMers are no different. Some make great parents, some not so much. Issuing blanket statements on the matter is pure bigotry.

When someone, Antiprincess to be precise, calls you on your bullshit, saying: “tell you what, then – I’ll just bring my little boy around by your house, and you can raise him, to spare him the horror and indignity of the possibility of being “exposed” to the tragedy of my life as a kinky person.”

you know it's bad when you have to dust off the George W. Bush administration to illustrate your point as to the epic-ness of said fail
you know it's bad when you have to dust off the George W. Bush administration to illustrate your point as to the epic-ness of said fail

– You don’t even give this woman the dignity of a proper response. You know why? Because you can’t. You can dodge the subject, speak in generalities, have your commenters point out “but here’s this one case where a BDSM father was abusive!”, and otherwise shut down and divert discussion – but you can’t honestly respond to a woman who’s telling you “here’s my child, whom I love and care for, and who the hell are you to imply that I deserve to lose him?”

Go ahead, put your money where your mouth is. Offer to give this woman’s child the same love and protection that his mother gives him. Because you care so much (as opposed to the fact that you are willing to engage in crassly inappropriate insults of an entire group of people that reveal how much “examining” you probably need to do of yourself in your own spare time – and being unwilling to admit as such when confronted directly with the absurdity of your claims).

On your “About” page you have the following to say to your readers:

“If you happen upon anything you find terrifically offensive, consider the possibility that it might be a joke or a rhetorical device. If both of those alternatives seem unlikely, you’re probably either a crybaby or an asshole that I’m not worried about offending.”

Go ahead, call Antiprincess an “asshole crybaby.” It will be like the delicious icing on the cake o’ fail. Everyone knows that only asshole crybabies object to having their children ripped away from them. And after you’ve chased away everyone willing to engage in debate with you, I hope you enjoy the echo chamber.

For more on the subject, see Ren. And Ren again. And Trinity:

“[ND] wants fame for having the most massive ovaries in bloglandia, which she has confused with having (or trying for, anyway) the most viciously thoughtless fingers in bloglandia.”

Hate to say it about someone whose Philip Roth takedowns I had enjoyed – but I agree.

Shorter Cath Elliott & Co.:

“You can be a deviant, dearie. Just not where I can see it.”

On a less snarky note: do I believe that people can be triggered by BDSM posts? Absolutely, I do. But this alone does not mean that BDSM can only be talked about in disparaging terms on the various feminist sites out there. Plenty of stuff on feminist sites brings up some rather horrific images for me, and not all of it comes with a warning either. Doesn’t mean I get to tell the authors to STFU.

And you know what, perhaps women want to talk about their BDSM experiences in a feminist context because, guess what, the assumption that one cannot enjoy BDSM or else that one could not possibly call oneself a feminist while practicing BDSM is something they wish to challenge?

Personally, I’m tired of the “SHUT UP about X being empowerfulizing” argument that gets thrown around, both in relation to sex and other matters, just as I am tired of the bloody hierarchies and such. The “SHUT UP” thing rarely addresses the actual substance of any given argument or related experience. It’s the death of nuance. I can’t live without nuance.

It’s like saying, “you know, I really rather love The Death of Ivan Ilyich. It’s really too bad that the author was so horribly sexist, but this passage, for example, on page…”

And hearing in response something like, “SHUT UP! You just loooove that sexist bastard Leo Tolstoy, don’t you? How TYPICAL! He hated women. HATED WOMEN. And you love him because you’re a male-identified sparklepony sellout idiot! Hah!”

– “But… no. That’s not what I said at all. I think it’s truly unfortunate how misogyny permeated the work of great writers such as Tolstoy. But that doesn’t mean that we can’t look at this book and take something out of it, like, for example…”

– “SHUT UP! He called death a ‘She’! That’s all I need to know! You love misogyny!”

– “Actually, it was ‘It’ in the original Russian. Anyway, as I was saying…

– “Misogyny! You love it!”

– “But you’re being unreasonable…”

– “WHAT? You said women are unreasonable?”

– “Um, OK. Screw this.”

– “Get back here! I’ll bite your legs off!”

etc.