It was made official a few days ago – Kyle Payne will go to jail. His blog was correctly described by the County Attorney as “narcissistic.” I’m glad that the prosecution saw what we all pretty much saw: a guy making excuses, deeply sorry at the fact that he was caught, and not much else. A guy convinced that it was All About Him, even while paying lip-service to the victim.
Chillingly, when the victim read a statement in court, she mentioned the possibility that not all of the details of the night of her assault have come to light, saying that it is only Kyle who truly knows what happened. She will have to live with her assault, and her uncertainty over the details, for the rest of her life. In light of this, it’s hard to feel sympathy for Kyle Payne, even in spite of the fact that he is a survivor of abuse as well.
I’ve been trying to stay away from all of this. I didn’t want to blog about it initially, because thinking about this debacle makes me feel physically ill. I’m a big girl, I can handle my own feelings, but Kyle Payne’s latest update to his statement is so full of WRONG that I have to wonder if he’s taking some sort of perverse pleasure from all of the attention he’s been getting.
None of us are without sin. I fully believe in that. But Kyle, knowing very well the nature of his transgression, continues to play little mind-games with himself and the world. His writing is basically saying that gosh, it’s such tough business, not assaulting women! Toiling in the fields is nothing compared to that! A man who goes an entire day without assaulting a woman wipes the sweat from his brow at suppertime and sighs deeply, every bone in his body creaking from exhaustion. Dear God, when will society build a monument to his unwavering courage and strength? Where are the twelve gun salutes? The fireworks bursting in the evening as children gaze upward in wonder? The flame burning eternally at the grave of the Unknown Unrapist? Alas, cruel world!
Seriously now, what the hell is up with using all of this rhetoric when describing what he did – “this act of male dominance”? Are you joking? It’s called an “assault,” Kyle, and, surprise surprise, you do not use the term once!
I just love these little games being played – “the victim” instead of “my victim,” “patriarchal system” instead of “boy, I am an asshole for doing what I did, and in no way would I shift the responsibility away from myself!”
Honestly, Kyle (and anyone else who may be listening), everything is much simpler than you make it out to be. A man who does not rape, assault, or abuse women does not deserve a medal, just like I don’t deserve a medal for not running out into the street and slashing the tires on a truck that parks nearby and starts honking incessantly at 5:45 a.m. Basic human goodness is just that, basic human goodness.
Grow up. Learn the meaning of the word “no.” Learn the meaning of the word “narcissist.” And for God’s sake, stop using your blog to have some sort of protracted conversation with your victim (yes, YOUR victim, not “the” victim). I doubt she wants your attention any more than the rest of us do.