… And, as one of my friends just pointed out – “whoops, he wasn’t who you thought he was.”

So the logical thing is, of course, to accuse him of rape. And then have him convicted. Of rape. By deception.

What if he had lied about his salary? His level of education? What if he had told you that he’s a great lover and he turned out to be one of these guys who lasts half a minute…?

What if this had been a Jewish dude looking to get laid in Jerusalem, and he’d decided that the best way to score was to tell some Arab woman that he’s actually an Arab? Think we would have heard about this one then? (Well, maybe. I don’t know. This isn’t necessarily a rhetorical question.)

Yes, the guy absolutely sounds like a sleazebag. And I am 100% certain that being confronted with his lies was a violating experience. I feel violated every time some dude lies to me about some crap. I can’t imagine how violated I would feel if a dude wound up lying to me about his actual identity.

And yes, I absolutely understand, that due to the complicated socio-political situation in Israel, these cases are way more complicated than what they look like on the outside. For all we know, this was a deliberate attempt by this guy to, above all else, shame and humiliate this woman (the fact that he apparently walked out before she even had the chance to dress herself is probably telling). And the shame and humiliation is something that’s borne out of a number of issues – you can’t be categorical about it. And that cannot be ignored.

Still, she could have sued him for fraud. Or just thrown her drink in his face at a party (I find Bloody Marys work best, in situations like this) and moved on. A criminal case sets a dangerous precedent.

A friend of mine recently developed a big crush on a guy in the course of a work assignment. They wound up sleeping together. The next day, she found that he had lied to her about a bunch of crap – including his name and, guess what, his criminal history. And I don’t mean a criminal history as in he got busted for shoplifting as a screwed-up teen many years ago. It was pretty horrible for her, and she spent the next few days spontaneously bursting into tears. She even took up smoking for those few days (and this is someone who has lectured me on my Parliaments very extensively). But then she moved on. She warned all of her friends about the creep, but she moved on.

And talking to her about it today, we both agreed that a rape case against the guy would have been ridiculous.

Speaking of anecdotes – I spent 6 years of my life with an Arab man who made me very happy. I get pretty tired of the assumption that “zomg Arab men are all rapists and violent terrorist bastards.” It’s a blanket assumption that many people make when confronted with cases like this, and it sucks.